Izzy vs the Volturi
by magicpixieblondevamp
Summary: A teenager from California goes to Volterra on a student exchange program. What she doesn't expect is to meet Felix, Demetri, and the rest of the Volturi gang. Oneshot.


Izzy vs. the Volturi

Once upon a time there was a centuries old coven of vampires who ruled over all, enforcing their sole rule: never expose yourself. This royal trio of vampires, backed by their formidable guard, called themselves the Volturi.

Using their natural talents: immortality, extreme strength, super-speed, enhanced senses, and unbreakable marble-like bodies, they remained unopposed. They feared none, least of all the weak, clueless humans.

However, they were confident in their abilities and as time passed, they became less vigilant of the mortals they took (for food, of course), and slowly their standards grew more and more lax. They never suspected that a lone member of their food supply would ultimately be the cause of their downfall.

Izzy was normal–at least, she looked normal. But the truth was, Izzy WAS NOT NORMAL. When she got mad, she got MAD. The anger was enough to scare the pants off a seasoned veteran.

Now, it just so happened that our dear Volturi were looking to expand their food's nationalities–like as if we said we were gonna start trying Mexican food or something. (Plus, one of the leaders –Marcus– was craving Californian teenager.)

So they sent out a letter to the (EVIL!) principal of a typical Southern Californian High School (What's typical of a high school? They're all hell, of course.) to introduce a new "exchange" program. Yeah, cause we _all_ believe that. The principal skipped over the sarcasm, however, and asked for kids who wanted to go to Volterra, Italy. Only one girl signed up. She was Izzy, of course. (All of the other kids were stoners, so they didn't give a flying rat's … paw about Italy.)

IzzyPOV

Okay, when I signed up for this whole foreign exchange student thing, I never thought I would end up in such an awesome country! I'm standing on a giant boot! Okay, maybe I was hoping for Germany, but at least it's not France, that would've been torture… I mean, what the heck is we supposed to mean?!!!

Wow, that got a little off topic… maybe it was the ketchup… Oh yeah! Italy is awesome! Especially the place I went to, Volterra. Everything is all dark and gloomy, with tons of niches and crannies to hide something mysterious in … perfect for my first trip to Europe!

Of all the masses of "historical monuments" I've seen, there's one enormous tower that made the top of my list. Imagine the gloomiest, most desolate structure ever, and then add a hint of the thrill and terror that accompanies haunted houses in scary movies. (Pffft! They think that's scary?) It's the kind of building that attracts an uncanny amount of lightening … perfect!

After hours and hours and hours of trekking around random places around the city, we ended up in a plaza, the Plaza de Priori, with a humongous fountain at the center. I could barely see the tower anymore, but I found the perfect place to rest: sitting on the edge of the chlorine-scented fountain, with who knows what in it, surrounded by thoughtful presents from the birds, … uh oh … GERMS!!!! Must … hide … before … they … kill me!

10 minutes later

OK, I think I'm safe. I can't see anything in this dark corner under the clock tower … maybe they won't find me …

2 minutes later

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! They're coming to get me!!!

Felix and Demitri were patrolling the city, searching for that group of Californians taking in the "delights" of the city. Wow, you get to see some old buildings. Yippee! After searching in the more common places, like the museums and such, they retired to their usual station under the clock tower, only to find their lookout occupied by a scrawny human, curled up in a ball rocking back and forth with her eye twitching. Well, she smelled Californian, maybe she got lost …

"Hello, my name is Felix, and this is Demetri. And you are?"

IzzyPOV

Wait a minute … They talk!!!! I didn't know germs could talk…

Maybe I'm dreaming. That's it I'm dreaming and germs aren't really attacking me. Well, I might as well answer. Besides, those cloaks are awesome!

"Hi Felix! I'm Izzy"

Hold on a sec, is it me or are those names familiar? I must have read them somewhere …

"Nice to meet you, Izzy. May I ask what you are doing in this deserted alley?"

None of your business! Sheesh, these guys are starting to get annoying.

"Felt like it." I shrugged.

"Oh, we thought you might have gotten lost, since you're obviously not Italian."

Only stupid people get lost. He just called me stupid! He is soooooo gonna regret it!!!!

Hmmmm, this human certainly was strange, Felix thought, as he saw Izzy's expression turn angry, even though he was being perfectly amiable. Just as she opened her mouth to reply (Felix had a hunch that whatever she was going to say would not be pleasant), Demetri nudged Felix.

"That's Izzy Hsu! The foreign exchange student!"

Of course this conversation took place in a few milliseconds, and poor Izzy didn't have an inkling that it had even taken place.

Felix blinked in surprise, but managed to keep it in check enough to say, "Of course! Miss Hsu, we've been looking for you for quite a while! Please, follow us to your quarters during your stay here."

Con permiso! Ok, first these guys come unannounced and unwanted, then they practically call me an idiot, and now they want me to _follow them!_

I opened my mouth to refuse, and not very nicely, but then I remembered I was "representing my school." Ugh. Fudges! That means I have to be –shudders– nice if I want to keep my grades. Bleck!

"I'd love to Mr. Felix," I said in a sickly-sweet voice. There went my good day.

DemetriPOV

I watched with amusement as the human's indignation grew and grew. She opened her mouth, then abruptly changed her mind, and put on a sweet innocent act, but I could still sense her resentment. I hope she doesn't hold a grudge … Wait! What am I thinking! She's just a snack!

"Very well. Follow us."

IzzyPOV

Well, if I have to go somewhere with these two, they picked a good place. I get to stay in the awesome tower! It's a shame those two buttheads have to spoil my memory of it…

We walked through the door and I chatted with the green-eyed secretary whose nametag read Gianna. Just as I suspected, Felix and Demetri soon tired of the conversation (If you could even call it that) and ditched me. Bwahahaha! Stage 1 of my evil plan is complete!

The second they left I ignored her. Obviously, she didn't quite get the message and kept trying to talk me. So I glared. Much better, that shut her up.

She went to sit behind her desk, and I sat in a chair and stared at the ceiling, which was dusty. Ick. Then some short guy in a suit walked in.

"Hello Izzy. I am Alec, and I have been sent to bring you to your room. Please follow me."

He must be paid a _lot_ for him to be so polite! He barely even sounds like he's acting.

I didn't respond, but followed him in silence. There was something familiar about the place, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it …

We met up with someone who could've been Alec's twin in the elevator. She barely glanced at me, her gaze supremely bored. Alec, being the absolute gentleman he is, introduced her as Jane. I liked her. Basically doesn't care about anyone, completely unhelpful, polar opposite of "Can I help you?" Gianna … Let's just say it was nice to finally "meet" someone who would ignore me.

Compared to sitting with Gianna, the elevator ride went waaaay too fast. We stepped out into a giant circular room with elegant thin windows and … drains? That's weird …

Three people walked toward us, and Jane and Alec joined them. On their way over, they walked through a ray of light and all of a sudden … THEY SPARKLED! I felt my eyes get all big, as realization hit me. THEY. WERE. STEPHENIE. MEYERS. CREATIONS/MINIONS!

"Hey! You're Aro, Marcus, and … I forget your name," said in amazement.

The three fabled, famous, notorious vampires stopped dead in their tracks, looking freaked out, which gave me a chance to examine them. You know, for vampire royalty infamous for their cruelty, they weren't all that scary. I mean they were basically a bunch of old guys with a fixation on blood. In fact they weren't scary at all.

"How, h-how do you know us, human?!" the guy whose name escapes me sputtered. Jeez, you forget a guy's name and suddenly you're an insubordinate!

I rolled my eyes at him and said, "You would have to be an idiot not to know who you are. I mean, the cloaks, the sparkliness, the feeding room, –hey! Wait a minute! There is NO WAY I am being eaten! I mean hello! I still have to beat up Oranges! And Potatoes!" I fumed at the stunned vampires; this was soooo not cool. How Dare they attempt to eat me! Boy you're alive a few centuries and suddenly you're allowed to just pick up any little innocent human and call them an idiot, stupid and insubordinate! And then try to eat them! Hmph, they have a lot of nerve!

Just as I was opening my mouth to give them a piece of my mind, Aro stepped forward, his (awesome) red eyes glimmering.

"Now, Caius," (so that was his name!), "This human could be very interesting."

"Soooo, is this the part where you abduct me? Cause if it is … Well, that's not very imaginative."

"Of course not!" he said looking briefly disappointed. "We'll just have to examine you here!" Wonderful! That's exactly what I wanted!

"Heidi, Jane, would you please lead Izzy here to a room? Make sure she's settled nicely. We'll be up soon."

Okay, these "people" are mentally challenged. I just figured out that they're vamps, and the expect me to _follow them_!!!

"Wait a second, what do you mean by 'examined'?"

"Oh not much … Just the usual tests we do on humans …" What? They might –shudder– touch me?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! There is no way I'm gonna let some weird inhuman people, especially a freakishly excited vampire leader _touch_ me!!!! (As you can probably tell, Izzy doesn't much like physical contact …)

"No."

Aro's eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"

"No."

"Very well then, we'll just have to make you," he threatened. Oooh, scary. "Jane, dear?"

Instantly, Jane was all smiles, and she looked like a little angel. And to think she was my favorite!

"Yes, Master?"

"Go ahead," he said and smiled. It just wasn't a very nice smile …–mind shrug– I've seen worse.

Then Jane glared at me. I glared at Jane. Everyone watched expectantly … and eventually (okay, a few seconds later) confused. What? Never seen a poor defenseless human stand up to them? Sheesh, just because normal people are terrified and run away screaming, or give themselves up, or beg, etc. doesn't mean we all do!

–4 hours later–

Jane was starting to look impatient.

–7 hours later–

Is it me, or is Jane … tilting?

–5 hours later–

Yeah, she is tilting!

–11 hours later–

CRASH!!!! Huzzah! I won! So, now that I beat a vamp at her own game, I did the completely rational thing any sane person would do: I walked over and sat on her.

I was King … uhhh … Queen of the World!

And that's exactly how it should be.

Just as Izzy thought "And that's exactly as it should be," AMAZINGLY AMAZINGFULL Edward Cullen, the TOTALLY AWESOME Alice Cullen, and the rest of their INSANELY COOL family (including Bella) dashed into the room, with Edward carrying Bella (of course). As soon as they say Izzy sitting on Jane, though, they came to a sudden, fluid stop.

All the reactions to this astonishing sight were different:

Edward covered his mouth to hide a laugh, as did Esme and Carlisle.

Bella smirked triumphantly.

Jasper also smirked triumphantly.

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Alice smirked triumphantly, and turned to Emmett, holding her hand out.

Emmett pouted before handing her a $20 bill. (It's not our fault he didn't listen when we told him not to bet against Alice.)

Alice's smirk grew as she turned and marched out of the room. Slowly the rest of the Cullens turned to follow her, all except Emmett, who glared at Izzy. She glared right back, which of course made the huge immortal's glare disappear, to be replaced with a look of utter terror. He turned and ran back to Rosalie, who rolled her eyes and smacked in the back of the head.

Izzy just shrugged her shoulders and returned to her previous occupation: sitting on Jane and daydreaming about beating up Oranges, Potatoes, and everyone else on her list all at once, with no annoying People telling her not to (Colleemers!).


End file.
